The Quiet Battle: Undiagnosed ADHD, Self-Esteem, and the Stories We Tell Ourselves
- Maitreyi Mondal
- Nov 26, 2024
- 2 min read
At first, you think, Maybe I’m just lazy. But as the years go by, that thought grows into something deeper: I’m not good enough. I’ll never measure up.
Imagine growing up feeling like something was wrong with you but never knowing why. As a child, you watch your classmates finish their homework, follow instructions, and stay organized with what seems like no effort. You, on the other hand, are constantly losing things, forgetting assignments, or daydreaming when you’re supposed to focus.
At first, you think, Maybe I’m just lazy. But as the years go by, that thought grows into something deeper: I’m not good enough. I’ll never measure up.
Undiagnosed ADHD
This is the reality for many people with undiagnosed ADHD. Without knowing they are neurodivergent, they compare themselves to others and blame themselves for the differences they see. Over time, this blame turns into shame, creating a heavy burden that follows them into adulthood.
In school, the shame comes when you fail a test despite studying for hours. At work, it’s the frustration of missing deadlines no matter how hard you try. In relationships, it’s the fear of being judged for not having it all together. Slowly, this shame erodes your self-esteem.
To cope, you might hide parts of yourself, keeping your struggles private. Or you push yourself to work harder, setting impossibly high standards in an effort to prove your worth. But the more you compare yourself to others—those who don’t face the same challenges—the worse you feel.
And then there’s rejection sensitivity, that intense reaction to even small criticisms. A passing comment from a coworker or a forgotten invitation from a friend can hit like a gut punch, reinforcing the idea that you’re not enough.
It’s a cycle that’s hard to break: shame leads to low self-esteem, which leads to more shame. But understanding what’s really going on is the first step toward freedom. ADHD isn’t a flaw or a failure—it’s simply a different way of being. With the right tools and support, you can stop chasing perfection and start seeing yourself with compassion.
Because the truth is, you were never the problem. You were just trying to thrive in a world that didn’t understand your unique mind.
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